Escaping my Liam Cocoon

This body is not meant for me.
I don't like it.
It fights who I am.
I don't deserve to be trapped
like a black dove.

I want Regan's body.
I want to be Regan.
I want all the parts that Regan has.
I want to be a girl.

No one accepts me.
Not for who I really am.
This isn't some alter ego
that some five year-old has.
It really isn't.
I long to be Luna.
I am Luna.

Liam doesn't reflect me,
he's not who I am.
I don't want to be trapped in this body.
It's like I'm constantly gasping for air.
It's like I don't belong.

All this hiding,
it's not worth it anymore.
I am Luna.

            Just about a few days ago, I finished re-reading Luna by Julie Anne Peters. This book has grown to be a favorite of mine. Peters cleverly writes this book from the perspective of Regan, who is Liam/Luna's younger sister. As the younger sister, she strives to supports Luna's spirit and pride. I can't simply imagine how hard it must be on her part to help Liam go through this gender transition. Liam, the well respected and extremely smart boy, is the boy that everyone wants, but this isn't the boy that Liam wants to be. Liam wants to be Luna. The create less confusion, Liam is Luna, but Luna is just the girl form of Liam. THAT is who Liam wants to be.
            Liam encounters so many problems, which is why I like him so much as a character. From a young age, Liam liked playing the mommy role when playing dress up (4,5). Regan noticed that too from a young age, but never seemed to fast to judge Liam. She understood and was along there by his side every second. Growing up, Liam's dad had always pushed him to play sports. His father pressured him into trying out for the baseball team and finally, Liam gave in, trying to make his father proud. But what's the truth behind it all? Liam was born into the wrong body. This "boy" body that he "belonged" to wasn't fit for him. He doesn't want to play sports or work at the Jiffy Lube shop like his dad asks him to. These are all just expectations. What good are expectations when you can't overachieve them? What good are they if tried constantly and still can't achieve them? All you're left with is that feeling of failure and not ever being good enough. And that, is what Liam feels constantly.
            Luna, the real inner girl inside of Liam, is a completely different person. She wants to change so badly to become an actual girl, which means Regan has a transsexual brother. Often times, you'll find Luna in Regan's room hiding behind the shadow of Liam, the caricature that Luna made. She tries on Regan's dresses, different make up looks, clothes, and so on. In the poem above, I write how Luna longs to have Regan's body. Liam was born into the wrong body; the body betrayed who he was. The body didn't reflect his inner image. Internal or external, Liam/Luna were both great people that I have grown to love.
            When I read the pages towards the end of the book, I broke down. I started crying. I couldn't help it. The fact that Luna couldn't be accepted for who she was disappointed me a lot. There was that nasty aching feeling in my stomach when I read the letter that Luna left for Regan before she left to live a new life. In the poem, I wrote "all this hiding, it's not worth it anymore," because honestly, this hiding wasn't worth it. It caused more unneeded pain on both Liam/Luna. I disliked how his parent's were not supportive at all. I understand that it might be hard to accept the fact that your son is transsexual, but even after he straight up told you, wouldn't it be smart to put into consideration on how you should help him? Leaving Liam alone on this gender transition alone is horrible. I think that having no guardian support doesn't help the situation what so ever. I think it makes it worse. This makes the child question him/her whether they should really go through this transition. Next thing you know, this might even lead to suicide or depression or doubt.
            This inspired me to write a poem about Luna's emotions. I think I've done a good job capturing her feelings within a poem. It shows her wants in this world. I like the fact that I said "this isn't some alter ego" because it isn't. This isn't a joke to Luna. She really does want to be a girl. I feel that she feels that she isn't fully "complete" until she under goes this whole process of transformation into fully becoming a girl. To me, I don't think she's asking for too much. At the end of the day, Luna just wants to be accepted and loved. That's harder on her part since she doesn't have that comfort blanket over her.
            All in all, this book is wonderfully written. Knowing who you are and not doubting it makes Luna ten times as confident and it strengths her thoughts. After all, Luna is "a girl who can only be seen in the moonlight."